Boba's Untold Tale

The old shriveled woman was known as "Boba' in her small hamlet. She was 'Boba' to everyone, even her only son who was lost in the wilderness of the turmoil that had come like a tornado in her small hamlet in the tumultuous year of 2010, leaving behind destruction, shattered dreams and forlorn painful memories. The turmoil of 2010 that shook the entire State of J&K, collapsing the entire nation in a single loud cry of Azadi, caught every Kashmiri youth in the cornucopia of frenzied fervor. It wound the entire nation in the loose fabric of Azadi, a burning dream that gleams in every Kashmiri's eyes and thuds with every heartbeat.

    The aftermath of the turmoil of 2010 was disastrous and such disaster fell on the household of  'Boba.' Her only son was taken away in the consequence wave since he was also the unfortunate one among hundreds who were jailed with PSA detention quashed on them. He was only a minor, who being swept away with the wave and those very patriotic emotions that govern every Kashmiri's heart. He too jumped into the whirlpool, and the consequence of that headlong patriotic jump were harsh, cruel and disastrous. 

    Boba had tried everything her frail self could do, to find her son from that unknown but alas! she wasn't able to save her son. He was thronged in jail after jail till his whereabouts became clueless and slowly hopeless.

    She knew her son was innocent as were those thousands who too, were confiscated from their mothers and their homes. She would go every morning to nearby police station and wait till dusk but she was never able to gather the information about her son. The police station soon got used to her presence and didn't bother much about her. She was once told that her son has been shifted to Kot Balwal jail, in the outskirts of Jammu and from there, where; that is still not known! She was told some 15 months, after that her son had died due to severe infection and weakness in jail.

    They say eyes are the mirror of soul. Well, her eyes reflected the anguish, pain, grief, despicable despair, anger and hollowness that lay bottomed at soul. She looked at the mound with a broken heart, closed her eyes and made her prayer. She had been coming to this mound of mud that the villagers had dug in memory of Boba's son and her untiring efforts and unflinching faith that she had in Almighty; he would come back! The death of her son had broken the frail self but not her faith because she believed till she didn't see his body, she wouldn't believe in the inevitable.

     She had been coming here past 5 months, to this mound, her immense strength had failed her many times but she believed she had to come because this mound reminded her that her son had to come back, either from dead or nowhere! Every time she came there, it ripped her heart into pieces, with questions and memories tumbling over in her mind. There was never peace in her torn self. She fought against all odds, braved every hell to find him. But as they say, no one comes back from hell. Her faith in the miracle of her son's return, somehow made her move in her life and it radiated strength to the villagers of her village who believed in her unwavering, forceful and powerful faith that yes, the miracle will become evitable someday, somehow!!

This is dedicated to all those mothers who lost their sons in the turmoil of 2010 to the unnecessary law in J&K that snatches away the innocence of minors, without giving them a chance, in their respective lives. 

Grey..yet sunny!

There are some days when I feel like running away; running from my family, my friends, my world and maybe even me... I ponder over the current situation, the vacuum building inside within me, trying to numb me into nothing where I don't feel like doing anything, not talking nor moving-just being a nobody!! Is that normal, I think? The abnormality in our thinking and behavior comes from the monotonous life that has nothing in store, maybe at just the present but the adventurous and busy life we had and were used to, makes this dull time difficult to deal with.. We become difficult to be dealt with, just the irritability, annoyance and sadness lurks within us and the worst part is that we make life of people around us miserable and hell... We don't do that deliberately, we don't want that but then sometimes some things and some miserable thoughts are not under our control :(...
There are some days when the weather outside reflects the grey inside us..The dark clouds hovering resemble the pessimistic thoughts lingering in our mind, making our decisions hazy and wavering! But in spite of our mind getting jittery and all, we need our will power strong and our heart brave, so we can pull ourselves from this depressing phase and move ahead with a hope that after this cloudy day, a sunny day is definite..a spring is certain... a smile is possible and best times are around the corner! So that's me; how negative and despairing everything looks or seems, my heart never makes me give up, grasping onto that small flickering flame of hope!!!! Lets just believe in ourselves and the beauty of our dreams that make us go!!! 

HOPELESSNESS

Troubled and sunken eyes reflect the hopelessness

That creeps up within me, out of blue

Everything seems fine around me

Still a tension lingers

For the fears sweltering hovering over,

Fear of unknown

Longing for success

Yearning the state of contentment.

A stressed sigh escapes the lips

A knot assembles in my stomach

Giving way to sweeping conflicts,

Those that bargain my hope.

Infinite doubts intertwining my faith;

Unflinchingly that inches me forward.

Expectations lay like burdens on me

Burying me in untold qualms.

The last sunset overlooks the dawn,

The glass looks half-empty,

And a notion smears itself in my mind

Will this hard labor be worth?

The way looks long and weary…

The unquenchable thirst choking.

Need something for a solace, a freedom…

And an answer, will I be able to handle this pressure??

Syed Javeria Khurshid

18^th Dec.2011

Bitter realization

Shee sat on her bed, teardrops rolling on her notepad; she was trying to write down her messed up feelings but the tears hazed up her thoughts that were all mixed up. She was a strong girl but her heart was all fragile because people who meant a lot to her, were always shattering her expectations and hurting her, bringing her down to abyss that she was trying to get up from.
She felt like a bird whose wings were clipped again and again and she always let people clip, for the sacrifices she made for people she loved, never knew anything. They overlooked her sadness and shattered expectations that were radiating from her self. They made her feel unwanted, miserable and sometimes a burden to be shunted away!
She thought of flying away on her broken wings, to a far off place where no one knew her. Where no one could break her or hurt her deeply. The scars were growing and she was helpless not to allow them from paining her. She seriously cared for people who were in her life but the tragic part was that they never understood her. THE. IRONY. OF. LIFE.!!
The tumultuous explosions in her self taunted her fragility and the broken pieces of her ever broken heart haunted her. The tears rocked her tender body and sobs consumed her grief, giving rise to the bitter realization that no matter what you end up alone in this world and people most of the times don't give damn to your emotions... Sad but True!!!